Many people, when I tell them about this blog, assume it is specifically about Minnesota drivers. There could be an entire separate blog devoted to how bad Minnesota Assholes make driving here. For me it is so pervasive I don't get as angry about it anymore. If you're bold it actually allows you to do things you would never do in a car in a normal place.
But here is one small thing that happened last night that exemplifies Minnesota drivers. I was at a stop light, first in line, waiting for the light to turn green. I was turning left. There were several cars waiting at the light coming from the opposite direction. So obviously, in any normal place on earth, I'm going to have to wait for a few moments while the cars coming the other direction go through the intersection before I'll be able to turn left.
Instead, when the light turned green, the asshole facing me WAITED FOR ME TO TURN LEFT! This behavior causes relentless delays, because I don't have the right of way. So I can't just go, I have to stare at him a minute to make sure he's really waiting for me. That, of course, is if I had any intention of ever letting one of these assholes compliment themselves on how nice they are. I wasn't about to go in the face of something so moronic, so I just waited for him to figure out he needed to go.
I don't always do it that way. Four-way stops are the worst, because rather than taking turns as you're supposed to, every single asshole has to wait for the others to go first to show that they are the nice one. Stop signs are actually quite funny, because these days I barely pause, because I know the other drivers are in the process of showing each other how polite they are, so at stop signs you almost never have to worry about who's going to go first: the answer is always, me.
One more example of how bad these people are. One time I was at a red light waiting to turn right. The person going THROUGH THE INTERSECTION across in front of me, STOPPED IN THE INTERSECTION, WITH the green light, to let me turn right in front of him. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I have been driving a long long time, NEVER has anyone stopped in the middle of an intersection with a green light to let the person at the red light turn right in front of them. Just amazing.
Wednesday, December 6, 2017
Monday, December 4, 2017
Even doorways are not immune
Here is a quick little example. This happened last weekend. I was at an SA (That's Super America. For some reason normal convenience stores--7-Eleven, Circle K, Wawa, AMPM, Casey's, etc.--don't exist in Minnesota. There are only two chains (plus one weird other one), Super America and Holiday. Super America is just the Minnesota version of 7-Eleven.)
The doors were two glass doors that swing outward, normal. They even had a doorjamb down the middle, so it was actually two separate doors, not a single double door. I had made my purchase and was heading out. As I'm approaching the doors, this guy, in his 30s, wearing one of those hunting camouflage jackets, comes up to the doors from the outside. He grabs the left door (from my point of view) and pulls it open to enter. So I push on the right door and head out that door to the parking lot. This guy, rather than going through his own entirely separate door that has no relationship to my door whatever, STANDS BACK and ostentatiously waits for me to finish going through my door before he continues through his.
This very subtle kind of thing is the reason I'm doing this blog. A stranger might notice little stuff like this, but would just have this vague sense of unease. I want to point out these things so you understand what assholes these people are. This guy was NOT standing aside to let me through first. We had separate doors. What he was doing was standing back to show me that I'm being rude and that he is being inconvenienced by my rudeness but he's the polite one so he's going to stand aside until I come through. It's important to see that he didn't do it because he's polite. He did it to be an asshole. And on top of that, the situation didn't even exist, we had separate doors.
The doors were two glass doors that swing outward, normal. They even had a doorjamb down the middle, so it was actually two separate doors, not a single double door. I had made my purchase and was heading out. As I'm approaching the doors, this guy, in his 30s, wearing one of those hunting camouflage jackets, comes up to the doors from the outside. He grabs the left door (from my point of view) and pulls it open to enter. So I push on the right door and head out that door to the parking lot. This guy, rather than going through his own entirely separate door that has no relationship to my door whatever, STANDS BACK and ostentatiously waits for me to finish going through my door before he continues through his.
This very subtle kind of thing is the reason I'm doing this blog. A stranger might notice little stuff like this, but would just have this vague sense of unease. I want to point out these things so you understand what assholes these people are. This guy was NOT standing aside to let me through first. We had separate doors. What he was doing was standing back to show me that I'm being rude and that he is being inconvenienced by my rudeness but he's the polite one so he's going to stand aside until I come through. It's important to see that he didn't do it because he's polite. He did it to be an asshole. And on top of that, the situation didn't even exist, we had separate doors.
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
Typical Encounter with a Person behind a Counter
I want to sign up at the gym in the college near us. First you have to sign up for an ID number, then you sign up for the membership. I received my number, but when I tried to get the membership, the number was wrong, a different person's name came up. So, I went to the gym to see if they could help me figure out what was wrong, and what I should do to fix it.
So I went up to the front desk of the gym. There's this guy there, maybe 50. First, before my wife and I even opened our mouths, he asked us to step aside so he could see the front door and scan people's cards. That was rude, but not too bad. Then I explained what I said above. He told us that he can't do anything with his computer, he doesn't have any access to do anything to an account. I said, okay, well, could you just type in the number---" That was as far as I got. What I was going to say was, "could you just type in the number to see what name comes up? Just to make sure I didn't type it in wrong, and that it really is the wrong account number?"
But I only got as far as "could you just type in the number---" before he interrupted. This is a typical, insanely obnoxious thing Minnesotans do. They can't talk to you like a normal person. They aren't talking with you, they are talking over you, to hammer home their point without ever listening to what you're saying. So he interrupted me to say, "I don't have any access. I can't do anything. I'm technologically illiterate. My whole job is just scanning in ID cards. I can't do anything else. I don't have any access to anything else."
I am not kidding you when I say this speech went on for five minutes. All I wanted him to do was enter my number and see what it said. I didn't want him to change anything. Notice he had already told me that there was nothing he could do. With a normal, non-Minnesota person, they would know that I had absorbed what they had already said, and that what I was saying now was something different. But for these people, he just knows that what I am trying to do is somehow ask him to do something he already told me he couldn't do. (It doesn't even make sense.) So rather than let me finish my question and respond to it, he has to badger me with a five minute harangue.
I am always trying to respond properly to these encounters. In this case, the proper response would have been to interrupt him right back and say "would you shut the fuck up, please, and let me finish my question, then respond to my question?" But my instinctual response when confronted with a moron is to turn away. It's embarrassing and difficult to listen to. My wife feels more need to please people, so she stood there and actually pretended to listen to him, while I turned sideways and waited for him to finish. Then he finally stopped and we walked away, talking to each other about what an unbelievable asshole the guy behind the counter at a gym was.
It's just so insane. It's not even possible to ask someone at a gym for al little information without having an encounter like this. And please notice, we didn't egg him on! My total output was 1.5 sentences. It's insane. One day I'll tell you what happens when I do have the presence of mind to throw it right back at them. That's only happened a couple times, but it is not pretty. Anyone who ever entertains the notion that Minnesotans are polite? Just needs to one time say "excuse me you're being rude" to see how they respond to THAT. They explode into a rage like you wouldn't believe.
So I went up to the front desk of the gym. There's this guy there, maybe 50. First, before my wife and I even opened our mouths, he asked us to step aside so he could see the front door and scan people's cards. That was rude, but not too bad. Then I explained what I said above. He told us that he can't do anything with his computer, he doesn't have any access to do anything to an account. I said, okay, well, could you just type in the number---" That was as far as I got. What I was going to say was, "could you just type in the number to see what name comes up? Just to make sure I didn't type it in wrong, and that it really is the wrong account number?"
But I only got as far as "could you just type in the number---" before he interrupted. This is a typical, insanely obnoxious thing Minnesotans do. They can't talk to you like a normal person. They aren't talking with you, they are talking over you, to hammer home their point without ever listening to what you're saying. So he interrupted me to say, "I don't have any access. I can't do anything. I'm technologically illiterate. My whole job is just scanning in ID cards. I can't do anything else. I don't have any access to anything else."
I am not kidding you when I say this speech went on for five minutes. All I wanted him to do was enter my number and see what it said. I didn't want him to change anything. Notice he had already told me that there was nothing he could do. With a normal, non-Minnesota person, they would know that I had absorbed what they had already said, and that what I was saying now was something different. But for these people, he just knows that what I am trying to do is somehow ask him to do something he already told me he couldn't do. (It doesn't even make sense.) So rather than let me finish my question and respond to it, he has to badger me with a five minute harangue.
I am always trying to respond properly to these encounters. In this case, the proper response would have been to interrupt him right back and say "would you shut the fuck up, please, and let me finish my question, then respond to my question?" But my instinctual response when confronted with a moron is to turn away. It's embarrassing and difficult to listen to. My wife feels more need to please people, so she stood there and actually pretended to listen to him, while I turned sideways and waited for him to finish. Then he finally stopped and we walked away, talking to each other about what an unbelievable asshole the guy behind the counter at a gym was.
It's just so insane. It's not even possible to ask someone at a gym for al little information without having an encounter like this. And please notice, we didn't egg him on! My total output was 1.5 sentences. It's insane. One day I'll tell you what happens when I do have the presence of mind to throw it right back at them. That's only happened a couple times, but it is not pretty. Anyone who ever entertains the notion that Minnesotans are polite? Just needs to one time say "excuse me you're being rude" to see how they respond to THAT. They explode into a rage like you wouldn't believe.
Monday, November 6, 2017
Inconvenient parking
Here's a little story that happened last year. It's a good illustration of what Minnesotans are like. They aren't actually interested in helping you, or being polite. They are motivated by two rules: (1) do things to demonstrate how they are going out of their way for you (the point is they don't do things that do help you, they do things to demonstrate that they are being inconvenienced by doing it). (2) making sure you know if you've done something to inconvenience them.
We were going to a movie at the Trylon on Minnehaha Ave. in Minneapolis. Across from the theater are houses, and parallel parking. There was an opening on the curb, and a family standing in the yard. I parked in the space. The family went between a couple other cars and got into a waiting SUV to go somewhere.
Then the mother of the family came up to my driver's side window. I rolled it down. She told me that because I parked there in that empty space, they had to go between the cars, and it was muddy. I said, "Why are you telling me this?" She said, "I just wanted to tell you." "Oh, okay, thank you," I said and rolled the window back up.
Translation: I had been rude because I had not realized that it would be inconvenient for her if I do something totally normal. The space was empty, there was no way for me to know they were about to walk in the space (and that would not have been a reason not to park there anyway), and all they had to do was walk between two cars, which is the normal state of affairs. But she is angry at me for inconveniencing her, and tells me about it!
We were going to a movie at the Trylon on Minnehaha Ave. in Minneapolis. Across from the theater are houses, and parallel parking. There was an opening on the curb, and a family standing in the yard. I parked in the space. The family went between a couple other cars and got into a waiting SUV to go somewhere.
Then the mother of the family came up to my driver's side window. I rolled it down. She told me that because I parked there in that empty space, they had to go between the cars, and it was muddy. I said, "Why are you telling me this?" She said, "I just wanted to tell you." "Oh, okay, thank you," I said and rolled the window back up.
Translation: I had been rude because I had not realized that it would be inconvenient for her if I do something totally normal. The space was empty, there was no way for me to know they were about to walk in the space (and that would not have been a reason not to park there anyway), and all they had to do was walk between two cars, which is the normal state of affairs. But she is angry at me for inconveniencing her, and tells me about it!
Sunday, November 5, 2017
Asshole Minnesota!
This blog is devoted to cataloging what assholes Minnesotans are. My wife and I moved here two years ago, and it is a weekly occurrence to have some encounter with a complete stranger that leaves marveling at what assholes these people are. It happens so often, we want to have a place to catalog this behavior. The first entries will be in no particular order, just as I remember them. Then, when something new happens we'll let you know.
IMPORTANT! This blog is not intended just for us. We want you to share also! So if you have a story to share, please let us know! Either we can post the story for you, or we can grant you writing privileges so you can post your own. We want this blog to be a place where normal people who are forced to live in Minnesota can come to feel safe.
"What happened to Minnesota nice?" you ask. Ah yes, that is the point! Read these stories. Our goal is to illuminate what assholes these people are. They act nice, but their very act of being nice covers up extreme rudeness. It's hard to explain; it's best to illustrate with stories, so you can see yourself.
So, please join us! And please share your own stories with us!
IMPORTANT! This blog is not intended just for us. We want you to share also! So if you have a story to share, please let us know! Either we can post the story for you, or we can grant you writing privileges so you can post your own. We want this blog to be a place where normal people who are forced to live in Minnesota can come to feel safe.
"What happened to Minnesota nice?" you ask. Ah yes, that is the point! Read these stories. Our goal is to illuminate what assholes these people are. They act nice, but their very act of being nice covers up extreme rudeness. It's hard to explain; it's best to illustrate with stories, so you can see yourself.
So, please join us! And please share your own stories with us!
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